Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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