I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
