New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
