Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
