i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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