Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
