guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm at about main and main street
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
