I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
