I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
