please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
