ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
