I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
don't judge my taste in strippers
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
