porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
