I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
