last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
