I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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