Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
