I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
