she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
