3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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