AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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