his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I still have a little drunk in my system
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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