NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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