i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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