Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
