Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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