so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
a search helicopter?!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
