I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
