So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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