Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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