Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
