and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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