I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
