remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
