I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
