We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
