So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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