As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
