Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
