Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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