Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
