it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
