I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
