Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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