You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
where are you?
Hypothermia
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
