she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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