i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
