I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
