its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
