ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
