dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
