All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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