how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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