i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
