Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
