Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
