I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
