smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
