I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
