Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
