2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
