Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
