Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
