I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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