morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
