just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Randomize
