So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
