I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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