Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
