I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
