i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
