Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
