Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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