I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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