between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
