i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
