And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
