My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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