Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
