I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
