I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
