Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
